Okay, listen up guys: it's just this simple... Breast cancer kills women.

Do we really need to spell it out any more clearly than that? This is not "Ooh I had a bad hair day Cancer," or "Gosh, I brike a nail Cancer," or even "Let's feed some starving kid in Zimbabwe Cancer." This disease kills your wife, your girlfriend - it takes your favorite play toys (3 guesses as to what those are) and destroys them.

Breast cancer is like swimming in the Amazon and having toothpick fish swim up inside your johnson and you die slowly (and very painfully). Breast Cancer is more than just "Oh crap, I lost my breasts, I'll just get implants!" Breast Cancer eats away at a woman's femininity and identity as much as having your "willie" destroyed from the inside out - but you have to live to tell the story for a few years. It robs you of your masculinity and your life's dreams.

If you haven't clicked on any of the "Alright, alright! I'll help out" links by now let's get graphic. It's like having your balls ripped off by a rabid pit-bull while you are held down by head-hunting pygmies (note: of course we obviously intend no offense is meant to pygmies nor trained fighting dogs). AND THEN you get sewn up with a rusty needle and have to live without your manberries for the rest of your life. Try explaining that away to the next hottie you meet at a bar - that you don't have any juice because you have no sack. have you clicked on the "Alright, alright! I'll help out" link yet? No? You need more convincing? Good - you sir, are a real man.

From Wikipedia:

"Though there have been documented candiru attacks on humans, there is no evidence the fish can survive once inside a human. A traditional cure involves the use of two plants, the Jagua plant (Genipa americana) and the Buitach apple which are inserted (or their extract in the case of tight spaces) into the affected area. In theory, these two plants together will kill and then dissolve the fish. More often, infection causes shock and death in the victim before the candiru can be removed.

"A well-circulated myth is that the candiru is capable of swimming up the stream of urine in mid-air to a victim standing on shore or a boat. This is physically impossible as the maximum swimming velocity of the fish is opposed by the downward velocity of the urine stream, and the further impossible act of the 5–14 mm wide fish maintaining position and thrust within a 2–7 mm wide column of fluid. They are also probably not attracted to urine as commonly thought. However they are capable of jumping and entering the urethra of a man standing thigh-deep in the water and urinating. They are also probably only able to enter a human urethra when it is expanded during urination."

 

Here are some interesting facts that directly affect you:

This year almost 200,000 new cases of Breast Cancer are expected. That could EASILY be your wife, your girlfriend, your sister, daughter, or mother. It's like winning the lottery! (Only it's bad). Click here to start being a part of the solution, or keep reading. 41,000 new DEATHS are expected. That includes men, so not only could your honey be next - YOU could be next - how embarrassing would that be Sparky?

Researchers are working night and day to find a cure and a prevention. This costs m-o-n-e-y. Yes, large corporations are donating money. Yes, millions of men and women are donating money, and more important: they are donating small amounts of their time. Small amounts. Can you spare ONE weekend a year? Why not crew the AVON walk? Got a few bucks this week? Give 5 bucks now. How hard was that? Can you give a few bucks every few weeks? Small amounts.

Look, we are not asking you to change the world, or be some kind of hero. We are just asking you to be a real man and [link] buy a macho pink ribbon and have some hottie sew it on your leather jacket (chick's dig these ribbons). Help out JUST ONE WEEKEND a year. Have a football pool at your office that donates money to the cause. Show us your receipt for your $100